A couple of days ago, as the test results came out, my son and a group of his 13-year-old friends piled into the back seat of my car, ready for the last-day-of-school party at McDonald's. “Jack got a laptop for getting straight A's, and Laurie got a cell-phone,” one boy said. “Oh, yeah, and Sarah got an iPad, and she's only in third grade,” said another. “And how about Brian? He got $10 for each A.”
I suddenly became concerned. These payoffs might get parents through grammar school, but what about high school and beyond? What would be left after the electric guitar, the cell-phone, and the DVD player?
I saw the road ahead:As the homework load increased, my income would decrease.I saw my comfortable lifestyle disappear before my eyes — no more of those $5 bags of already-peeled organic carrots. No more organic anything!
I started to feel surprised and nervous. Would every goal achieved by my two children fetch a reward? A high grade point average? A good class ranking? Would sports achievements be included in this reward system: soccer goals, touchdowns? What about the orchestra? Would first chair pay more than second? I'd be penniless by eighth-grade graduation.
“We never paid anything for good grades,” said my neighbor across the street, whose son was recently accepted at MIT. “He just did it on his own. Maybe once in a while we went out for pizza, but that's about it.”
Don't you just hate that? We're all running around looking for the MP3 player with the most updates, and she's spending a few dollars on pizza. She gets motivation; we get negotiation. And what about the primary grades? What do these students get? “When the teacher asked if anyone got rewards for good grades, everyone in my class raised their hands and said they got ice cream cones ,” said one third-grader.
I received a call today asking if I would be willing to bring food to a family in need. The mother was having a major operation and would be lying down for several weeks. Of course, I responded with an immediate “Yes!”. As I planned the meal in my head, I reflected on how many times over the years I had been asked to prepare food. I have done so countless times with a very open heart.
But the truly amazing thing is that I have received double over the course of my life. When my mother passed away, our house was filled with fresh dinners for weeks. A woman from the church of our community stopped by each evening with some food. The gift of food was her small way of trying to ease our pain.
Later in my life, when I was on bed rest during my pregnancy with twins, women of the church again stepped in to help. They arranged babysitting for my two-year-old daughter, and brought lovely dinners to our house. Even when I was put in the hospital, my husband would bring cooked meals to my hospital room. How we relied on these dinners to feed my tired husband and young daughter.
Food is all about comfort. It feeds our bodies, but it can also feed our souls. When you hear people talking about their favorite holidays, it usually includes their feelings connected with sharing food. I know that I will have many more opportunities in my lifetime to prepare food for others. It is truly a gift I want to prepare and deliver to someone in need.
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My friend's grandfather came to America from a farm in Thailand. After arriving in New York, he went into a cafeteria(自助餐厅) in Manhattan to get something to eat. He sat down at an empty table and waited for someone to take his order. Of course nobody did. Finally, a woman with a big plate full of food came up to him. She sat down opposite him and told him how a cafeteria worked.
“Start out at that end,” she said, “Just go along the line and choose what you want. At the other end they'll tell you how much you have to pay.”
“I soon learned that's how everything works in America,” the grandfather told my friend later, “Life's a cafeteria here. You can get anything you want as long as you want to pay the price. You can even get success, but you'll never get it if you wait for someone to bring it to you. You have to get up and get it yourself.”
The latest Chinese “god song”(an Internet term to describe pop songs that spread virally through the Internet(像病毒一样传播开来) is still making debates(争论) between those who view it as a milestone for Chinese pop music going global and those who regard it as a bad image of China.
Last week, Little Apple, written and performed by the Chopsticks Brothers, won the AMA International Song Award and the duo performed the song at the 2014 American Music Awards in Los Angeles. Another Chinese pop singer, Zhang Jie, won the International Artist Award.
But while fans of these singers are thinking highly of the awards(奖) and the performance by the Chopsticks Brothers at the AMA celebration, there are others who are less excited. They have questioned the value of the awards and what effect it will have on Chinese culture's “going abroad”, saying it may leave foreign audiences with a poor impression(印象) of Chinese pop music, and even Chinese culture.
The Little Apple phenomenon, both home and abroad, can be more easily understood and judged if we look at it from a business view rather than a cultural view. The professional promoters behind the duo have developed a clear strategy(策略) to promote the duo and their works, not just this particular song. Little Apple was originally released(发行) to promote the duo's film Old Boys: The Way of the Dragon.
From the very beginning a marketing strategy was used to promote(提升) the song, which immediately went viral on the Internet due to its repetitive rhythm(重复的韵律)，easy-to-remember lyrics(歌词), simple and funny dance and, most importantly, grass roots (草根) nature. The video accumulated(积攒) more than 1 billion bits on China's major video websites.
Although the song was generally disliked by music professionals who criticized(批评) it as “musical junk food”, Little Apple's popularity nationally paved the way(为…铺平道路) for promoting the duo internationally.
My friend BJ Gallagher told me a great story recently, about her own experience with resentment (愤恨). She once worked as the training manager for a large newspaper, where she found the corporate culture extremely frustrating. The company was a hundred years old and their past success ha d blinded them to the need for change. Finally, after butting heads with several senior executives (主管) many times, she left the company. But she found that she hadn't left her resentment, frustration, and anger behind when she resigned.
“I finally decided to write about my experiences and my feelings at the newspaper. I wanted to be rid of that company and those people, once and for all. So I wrote and I wrote. It wasn't just a story that poured out; it was a whole book! We called it A peacock in the Land of Penguins. I was the peacock and those newspaper executives were the penguins.”
“It took me several more years to finally get over my negative emotions. Through a lot of soul-searching and reflection, I finally was able to let go of my resentment. I came to see that there was nothing personal in the way they treated me, and they were good people doing what they thought best for the company. I was the one who had made it personal. I thought they were making my life miserable on purpose.”
“Finally, the time came when I decided to make amends (弥补) for the sharp, angry things I had said about the company. I invited my former boss to dinner and made my apology. It was a great healing process for me. I finally felt free of the resentment that had been eating me up.”
“What was the final outcome?” I asked her.
“Gratitude,” she replied. “Not only wasn't I resentful any more, I was grateful to the company. If I hadn't had those painful experiences, I would never have written a book. And the book became hugely successful – now published in 21 languages; it transformed my business.”
Dearest darling girl,
Today is the beginning of the next stage in your life. We head off to your new home at Stanford. Where do I start in telling you how proud I feel to be called Mummy by you? We've laughed at how you burst into this world with a scowl on your face, how determined you have always been right from feeding yourself to making big decisions for your life. There were days during your illness that I wasn't sure you had the will to make it. Telling you that you needed to want to get better was the hardest and yet the greatest day. From that day you took responsibility and decided you wanted to beat anorexia（厌食症）．
I don't think I've ever felt so proud of you as when you came home to say that you wanted to go to West Africa between school and university. You chose to go alone, and to raise the money yourself. You have such strength of character and determination. It is at times hard to believe that you are only 18. You experienced something in that month that few dare experience in a lifetime.
So, Viv, here are my words of wisdom to you as you start your next big adventure. The world is a beautiful place but often a few things can make it seem difficult. God's temple is made of love. It's man's temple that is built of stones. Open your heart to goodness and never ever let negative people or thoughts take hold of you. As Minor Myers put it, "Go into the world and do we'll. But more importantly, go into the world and do good:'
It is true that with every passing day, I will grow older and weaker. A day may come when I will become forgetful. But even then, you with your bright smile, will light up my heart.
Your Alo
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It seems the more time we have, the longer we put off living the life we see in our heads, because we feel like we've got some time to kill.
I know where you think I'm going with this, and I also know you've heard it all before: seize the day, make the most of it, live life to its fullest, and so on. But that's the problem. You've heard it all before. These ideas have their impact and have become a cliché. Luckily, that's not my thing.
The real answers wake something up inside you. They make you think. That's what I want to give you today, the story of Bobby Darin, which wakes you up to the truth.
If you haven't heard of the man, I know you've heard his songs. Among his many hits are Mack the Knife, Beyond the Sea, Dream Lover, and Splish Splash.
If seven years, Darin had several top ten hit songs, was nominated(提名) for four Grammy Awards (winning two), nominated for four Golden Globes (winning one), and even nominated for an Oscar.
So what was his secret?
All his life, Darin had a heart condition that developed from a childhood illness. The doctors at the time said he would be lucky to live to 16. In other words, his time was limited. And this was secret. He knew the truth. He knew that we all have such a hard time accepting: Life is short. You can't just say it; you can't just hear it. You have to know it, believe it, and feel it. Because Darin knew his time was limited, he packed as much life as he could into the time he had. But he had an unfair advantage. He knew, without a doubt, his time was limited.
There was no fooling himself, no putting it off. It was now or never.
After Mom died, I began visiting Dad every morning before I went to work. He was frail and moved slowly, but he always had a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice on the kitchen table for me, along with an unsigned note reading, "Drink your juice." Such a gesture, I knew, was as far as Dad had ever been able to go in expressing his love. In fact, I remember, as a kid I had questioned Mom "Why doesn't Dad love me?" Mom frowned, "Who said he doesn't love you?" "Well, he never tells me," I complained. "He never tells me either," she said, smiling. "But look how hard he works to take care of us, to buy us food and clothes, and to pay for this house. That's how your father tells us he loves us."
I nodded slowly. I understood in my head, but not in my heart. I still wanted my father to put his arms around me and tell me he loved me. Dad owned and operated a small scrap (片) metal business, and after school I often hung around while he worked. Dad fed scrap steel into a machine which looked like a giant pair of scissors with blades thicker than my father's body. If he didn't feed those terrifying blades just right, he risked serious injury. "Why don't you hire someone to do that for you?" Mom asked Dad one night as she bent over him and rubbed his aching shoulders . "Why don't you hire a cook?" Dad asked, giving her one of his rare smiles.
Many years later, during my first daily visit, after drinking the juice my father had squeezed for me, I walked over, hugged him and said, "I love you, Dad." From then on I did this every morning. My father never told me how he felt about my hugs, and there was never any expression on his face when I gave them.
Life is a process. It is said that it doesn't come the same again; it is glad that the same doesn't have to come back again.
In this life, what did you miss?
The wife asked the husband when she was 25. Worried, the husband replied, "I missed a new job opportunity."
When she was 35, the husband angrily told her that he had just missed the bus.
At 45, the husband sadly said, "I missed the opportunity seeing my close relative before his last breath."
At 55, the husband said disappointedly, "I missed a good chance to retire."
At 65, the husband hurriedly replied, "I missed an appointment with the dentist."
At 75, the wife did not ask the husband anymore, the husband was kneeling in front of the very sick wife. Remembering the question the wife used to ask him, this time he asked the wife the same question. The wife, with a smile and peaceful look, replied, "In this life, I did not miss having you!"
The husband was full of tears. He always thought that they could be together forever. He was always busy with work and something unimportant. So much had he never been thoughtful to his wife. The husband hugged the wife tightly and said, "Over 50 years, how I had allowed myself to miss your deep love for me."
In the busy city life, there are many people who are always busy with work. These people are busy with their jobs, and sacrifice all their time and health to meet the social expectations. They are unwilling to spend time on health care. They miss the opportunity to be with their children in their growing up. They neglect the loved ones who care for them, and also their health.
Nobody knows what is going to happen one year from now. Life is not permanent, so always live in the now.
Give yourself a test. Which way is the wind blowing? How many kinds of wildflowers can be seen from your front door? If your awareness is as sharp as it could be, you'll have no trouble answering these questions.
Most of us observed much more as children than we do as adults. A child's day is filled with fascination, newness and wonder. Curiosity gave us all a natural awareness. But distinctions that were sharp to us as children become unclear; we are numb(麻木的）to new stimulation(刺激), new ideas. Relearning the art of seeing the world around us is quite simple, although it takes practice and requires breaking some bad habits.
The first step in awakening senses is to stop predicting what we are going to see and feel before it occurs. This blocks awareness. One chilly night when I was hiking in the Rocky Mountains with some students, I mentioned that we were going to cross a mountain stream. The students began complaining about how cold it would be. We reached the stream, and they unwillingly walked ahead. They were almost knee-deep when they realized it was a hot spring. Later they all admitted they'd felt cold water at first.
Another block to awareness is the obsession(痴迷) many of us have with naming things. I saw bird watchers who spotted a bird, immediately looked it up in field guides, and said, a "ruby-crowned kinglet" and checked it off. They no longer paid attention to the bird and never learned what it was doing.
The pressures of "time" and "destination" are further blocks to awareness. I encountered many hikers who were headed to a distant camp-ground with just enough time to get there before dark. It seldom occurred to them to wander a bit, to take a moment to see what's around them. I asked them what they'd seen. "Oh, a few birds," they said. They seemed bent on their destinations.
Nature seems to unfold to people who watch and wait. Next time you take a walk, no matter where it is, take in all the sights, sounds and sensations. Wander in this frame of mind and you will open a new dimension to your life.
Are you carrying too much on your back at school? I'm sure lots of children of your age will say "Yes". Not only do the students in China have this problem, but children in the United States also have heavy school bags.
Doctors are starting to worry that younger and younger students are having back and neck problems as a result of school bags being too heavy for them.
"It's hard for me to go upstairs with my bag because it's so heavy," said Rick Hammond, an 11-year-old student in the US.
Rick is among students who have common school bags with two straps (带子) to carry them, but many other students choose rolling bags(拉杆包).
But even with rolling bags, getting upstairs and buses is still a problem for children. Many of them have hurt their backs or necks because of the heavy school bags.
But how much is too much? Doctors say students should carry no more than 10% to 15% of their own body weight.
Scott Bautch, a doctor, said children under Grade 4 should stay with 10%. But it is also important that older children don't stay with over 15%, because their bodies are still growing. "Children are losing their balance and falling down with their school bags," he said.
Parents and teachers are starting to tell children to only take home library books they will be reading that night. Some teachers are using pieces of paper or thin workbooks for students to take home.
One of the best answers is, as some children said, to have no homework at all!
I was born in Fiji and I know firsthand what it is like having an extremely poor background. My only "luck" was having an opportunity to go to school, and I loved it so much. Even when I was sick, I never missed a day. I often compared with my friends who lived near the school to see who could be the first to arrive. It so happened that I lived the furthest, but I always won.
I'll never forget the days when I waited by the school gate for my mother to bring me the $5 school administration fee I needed for each school term. I watched the road for the bus and with each bus that went by without my mother getting off, my heart would sink because I didn't want to be sent home.
Since then, I've never stopped believing how far $5 can go in a poor girl's life. My parents couldn't afford to send all my siblings (兄弟姐妹) to school. I was the youngest, so that $5 fee needed to stay in school came last to me. That $5 represented my dreams, my happiness and my future. We could never afford milk, but my mother always managed to feed us a diet that was basic and filling while saving every penny she could.
Having that $5 each term to stay in school changed my life. I've worked in Australia, Europe and Africa, and now I live in New York. Education has enabled me to travel around the world. But above all, education has allowed me not to be just a bystander or an observer; it has given me the opportunity, confidence and platform to be part of decision-making and a voice for social change.
Recently I invited a homeless man to have lunch with me at the Soup Plantation so that he could eat as much as he wanted to fill his stomach. I met him over the phone when I was calling Father Benno's, a soup kitchen. Something within stirred me to invite him to lunch. Since he did not have a car, I offered to pick him up.
We had a wonderful four-hour lunch. I learned a lot about his struggles but more importantly, I finished lunch, feeling greater gratitude (感激) for a roof over my head, a warm shower, a comfortable bed , and food on the table—all of which we may not think twice about. He, too, enjoyed the connection, his lunch, and a rest from spending his afternoon on the streets.
I learned long ago that one person alone cannot solve the problem of the homeless people in California or the United States of America. However, each person can make an effort to help the homeless in their own way. Do you know that 40% of the U.S. population live paycheck (薪水) to paycheck? Should a sudden financial (财务的) case appear, any one of those 40% can end up homeless in the streets.
For this holiday season, perhaps you may want to try something new. Buy a meal for the person asking for money instead of giving them spare change. If you can make the time and find courage, invite them to share a meal with you. Jesse Jackson once said, "Never look down on anybody unless you are helping them up," and Rumi told us, "When we practice loving kindness and pity, we are the first one to benefit from it."
When I was in primary school, I had an argument with a boy in my class. I thought that "I" was right and that "he" was wrong. But he thought "I" was wrong and "he" was right.
The teacher asked him to stand on one side of her desk and me on the other. In the middle of her desk was a large and round ball. I could see it was black. She asked what color the ball was. "White," he answered.
I couldn't believe the boy's answer, because from my side it was obviously black!
The teacher told me to stand in the boy's place and told him to stand in my place. We changed our places, and then the teacher asked me what color the ball was. I had to answer, "White."
It was a ball with two different colors. From his side it was white. Only from my side it was black.
My teacher taught me a very important lesson that day: You must stand in other people's shoes and look at the situation through their eyes in order to truly understand their view.
Growing pains and gains
It's not easy to grow up. Actually it's far from easy. Growing up can be a real "pain" for some of us. We are always doing things that someone else makes us do and aren't allowed to do all the things we like. Sometimes we feel trapped, sometimes we are fearful, and sometimes we just don't understand why we can't stay young forever. When we look back on all the hardships in life with a positive attitude (态度), we realize that all of our growing pains actually turn into growing gains!
As a young girl my parents forced my sisters and me to do so many things that I never liked. They made me learn to play the violin and then the piano. At that time I hated music, just because it was what they wanted me to do. But looking back now, I am so glad that my parents encouraged me to take music lessons. Music has enriched my life in so many ways. I realize that my parents and teachers were always pushing me along, not because they wanted me to suffer but because they wanted me to succeed in life. They've always wanted me to have a better life than they did themselves.
Every moment of our lives we are either living or dying, so live life to its fullest! We are all going to experience growing pains, but they are just small pains in life. They might seem so huge at the time but we must be strong. Think about how we would feel if we had no fear and live life like that. The future is ours! A little hard work and sweat never hurt anyone! If we realize that these pains are just small bumps (凸块) on our road to success we will realize that our growing pains are actually growing gains!
I have a special place in my heart for libraries. I have for as long as I can remember. I was always an enthusiastic reader, sometimes reading up to three books a day as a child. Stories were like air to me and while other kids played ball or went to parties, I lived out adventures through the books I checked out form the library.
My first job was working at the Ukiah Library when I was 16 years old. It was a dream job and I did everything from shelving books to reading to the children for story time.
As I grew older and became a mother, the library took on a new place and an added meaning in my life. I had several children and books were our main source of happiness. It was a big deal for us to load up and go to the local library, where my kids could pick out books to read or books they wanted me to read to them.
I always read, using different voices, as though I were acting out the stories with my voice and they loved it! It was a special time to bond with my children and it filled them with the wonderment of books.
Now, I see my children taking their children to the library and I love that the excitement of going to the library lives on from generation to generation.
As a novelist, I've found a new relationship with libraries. I encourage readers to go to their local library when they can't afford to buy a book. I see libraries as a safe haven for readers and writers, a bridge that helps put together a reader with a book. Libraries, in their own way, help fight book piracy and I think all writers should support libraries in a meaningful way when they can. Encourage readers to use the library. Share library announcements on your social media. Frequent them and talk about them when you can.
During my first year of college, I went on a trip with a group of classmates to New York City for fun. At the end of the day, several of the students suggested hanging out in the city for a while before getting dinner. They ended up spending thousands of dollars at the clothing store. It was only when they had finished that they decided to eat dinner at a place across the street. In the nicest restaurant I had ever been to, I ordered the cheapest appetizer I could find, and sat in silence as the students around me reminisced about their most recent vacations to Europe.
When the dinner was over, a student suggested seeing a Broadway play, and one guy told the group Cabaret was playing for only $ 250 a ticket. I knew I wasn't going to be spending $ 250 for a show. "I have a lot of homework," I said. "But thanks anyway." I walked back to the hotel alone.
To be very honest, I find it fascinating to be surrounded by classmates who come from wealthy families I have never experienced. Meanwhile, I'm not embarrassed for being unable to afford the things my classmates buy. I'm proud of who I am, and where I've come from.
On the other hand, one of my classmates had gotten to college on a needs-based scholarship. He didn't have any money. He didn't have a car and relied on brisk walks to get anywhere. He couldn't even afford food, so he worked part time at college food service to make a few dollars and grab leftovers for meals. He certainly kept me grounded as I felt like a spoiled brat using money so freely and buying myself a sandwich whenever I felt hungry.
So, while I was ridiculously wondering about my insufficiency, he showed what real determination and pride were.
My family just got back from a wonderful vacation. It was 10 days of good food, great sun and beautiful beaches. One day nearly ruined our trip, though. I had caught a bad cold, and I was thinking about staying at home. But my wife had her heart set on the beach, and because we have three small children, I came along to help out.
We arrived, and my wife was in heaven. I wasn't as enthusiastic. The sand wasn't nearly as soft as I like. And the surf was much rougher, which certainly didn't please my kids.
As I kept comparing this beach to other ones, my mood deteriorated. I was about to get into another big argument with my wife when I remembered three little words: "Disagree and commit". It's a principle that encourages healthy discussion and disagreement during the decision-making process, but that requires full support for a decision once made.
In the case of our vacation, I had agreed to let my wife pick the beach for the day. Because of my cold, I would have found something wrong with just about any beach. And complaining would have just made everyone else unhappy, too. So, I did the opposite. I looked for all the great things about the beach and voiced them out loud. And guess what? I survived those hours on the beach.
In all our relationships, we're looking for support. Of course, good friends should be able to have healthy disagreements. But when it comes to making decisions, there are times when all the discussion in the world won't change another person's mind. When that happens, ask yourself: Can I disagree and commit? If you can, you'll show your partner you're willing to go all in and they'll do the same for you.
I know it's saved my most precious relationships countless times over the years. And it's a major reason why after 11 years of marriage, three kids, and even the stress of a family vacation, the relationship between my wife and me is stronger than ever.
Since last March, I have been visiting a pet clinic because of my cat Eddie. The clinic is in northern Massachusetts, about two hours from our home on Cape Cod. I expected it would be terrible depressing but it's just the opposite. I have been so surprised at what I have learned there.
Now I believe happiness is something to love in any form. If I've ever know an angel, it is Keri, Eddie's technician. Both Eddie and I are under her loving care. She gives Eddie his medicines. She gives me emotional guidance as well.
I can offer tell when it's someone's first visit. They're usually crying. I think the reason why the rest of us don't cry has nothing to do with hope. I think it has to do with another ingredient of happiness. When we think about our pet's distant future, even if they're healthy, will feel sad. Keri, in her prayerful voice says, "Focus on loving Eddie right now." "Right now" is the only way people think at her clinic.
Instant connection is what happens in the waiting room. We join together to tenderly life a lame dog. We take turns distracting a cat with sparkly toys so she doesn't chew her bandage. Nobody asks for help. Everybody offers. We just do it.
When the end of life is very near, owners often believe their pet's happiness is more important than something like a strict diet. A young fellow whose pet dog suffers from canner says, "He can have anything he wants now." So I guess an element of happiness is not so much the length of a life but the joy and peace that life contains.
At this place, the focus is not on dying, and it's not on living. The focus, for pets and for people, is on living happily.
The daughter shouted as soon as she entered the door, "This world is too unfair!" It turned out that she was talking to her deskmate while having a math class. She was caught by the teacher. And finally she and her deskmate were both punished.
"It's fair. I said." That's not fair! There were clearly several classmates who were talking at the time, but the teacher stared at us and only punished us," she said angrily.
I knew that my daughter cared about this matter. I asked her, "Should you be punished for speaking in class?" She nodded, but said at the same time, "It is unfair for me that the teacher didn't punish other students who spoke!" I told her, "Don't talk about others. Just look at yourself. Was it wrong to punish you?" She lowered her head and answered, "No." I said, "That's fair! You know what the price of speaking in class is. You did it and got the punishment. So it's fair. The teacher didn't punish others, because she could choose to forgive, but it didn't mean unfair. "My daughter could not understand. But she was not as angry as the moment she entered the door.
People are often like this. Standing and looking at themselves, they are very clear about what they are doing. They also know what their rewards and punishments should be, but the unfair mentality (心理) is that when they look up at others. The feeling about unfair comes from comparing with others. The most important thing is to understand fairness in a deeper way, not only from your point of view!
